Mama's Hangry...

Around this time every year in January I'm usually at a point in my annual "Massive Weight Loss 2012" program, that I'm ready to tear off the limb of the person next to me, splash a little Tabasco sauce on it, chew on it and call it a day.

I am hangrrryyy, which by definition, is one step up from starving. I have a pounding headache from eating barely any carbs and I've taken snarkiness to a whole new level in this house.

But it's all in the name of thinness.

Behold my current thinspiration... I've taken the liberty of pointing out some of JHud's best attributes.

Lord knows her face is everywhere right now and every third ad on TV is one of her Weight Watcher commercials.

Nothing wrong with that...it keeps my eye on the prize!

Since half of my friends are on some sort of diet right now, I think we can all relate to wanting to look a whole lot more like Jennifer.

But in the words of my friend Jaimie in a recent text convo, Jennifer best be on the up and up and not be hiding any "procedures" or super secret Hollywood diet voodoo...

{Come on, you gotta admit that something else is going on with her cheeks, maybe a little lift here and there?}

So I don't have the luxury of doing anything other than busting my (ample) butt in the gym and counting Weight Watcher points like all the other ordinary shmoes. 

But who else is with me?

If you're hungry and you know it start to cry clap yo' hands!

It's the final countdown...

Yup, it IS the final countdown and no I'm not talking about the "Rapture" end of world type thing.

It's the final countdown for massive weight loss before our annual summer vacation to the sunny beaches of Greece. Cue 80's rock band "Europe" and their 'epic' rock anthem of the same name, "The Final Countdown."...

Ok so is the tune playing in your head now? Let that set the scene for you.

 Mama is waging all out war with these 10 lbs I've gained over our long never ending winter. 

Health and fitness will prevail as the beach takes no prisoners. 

We've got too many important events coming up that require mama to not appear as a stuffed frankfurter in a cocktail dress. All the Spanx in the world can't help that much...

The only option when executing tactical warfare is to bring out the big guns.  No carbs.

more non-subliminal imagery by Mama

Don't worry, I'm not going all Atkins on you and eliminating anything with even a trace of sugar. I'm still eating plenty of vegetables and fruits, including lots of fresh berry's.

But I will say that I've eaten more eggs, nuts, bacon, turkey burgers, lettuce, and full fat salad dressing in the last week than in the last 3 years combined. 

The fact is that I actually lose weight when I cut out my beloved carbs. AND IT'S SO HARD. Pasta, wine and bread actually bring me joy. I'm no heavy meat eater so giving up carbs seems unnatural.

But based on the blood type diet by Peter D'Adamo, Eat Right 4 Your Type, according to my blood type which is O, I should basically become a carnivore. 

Blood type O is believed to be the earliest human blood group. Directly descended from the cavemen. 

mama's ancestor, Great Uncle Eats-no-carbs

Here the "prescribed" diet is low-carb, high in meat and fish, low in dairy. And type O's should work out like a Mofo. 

So no carbs and lot's of exercise eh? This is sounding pretty basic to me. I think just about anybody would lose weight this way. Thankfully I've spent no money on this book/diet plan. 

So far things seems to be working pretty well, I'm down a few pounds and not feeling hungry at all.

BUT

My birthday is tomorrow, my son's birthday party is on Saturday, and we have a Baptism and party to attend on Sunday, then another birthday celebration on Sunday nite. 

It's going to be a cake/wine/desserts carb-fest.

But this is war, and the beach doesn't care how good that cupcake tastes. Am I right?

This post is what my blogs name is all about.

images via google

Massive Weight Loss 2011...

Finally. Finally the sun is shining and we're having spring-like weather. I can hardly stand it!  This week I've already been out walking with the kids, playing soccer with them and hitting up the park (more outdoor activity than the last 3 months combined.)  How was I supposed to play soccer when my backyard was covered in snow until recently?

I'm turning over a new leaf. Fitness Mama is on the scene. More regular gym visits, fresh veggies, bbq'd fish and chicken, working out outside (walking and possibly even, gasp, running.) 

12 lbs to lose in 2 months. That's the goal kids. 

I've got 2 baptisms, 2 weddings and 2 showers to attend in the very near future and it's time to shed my winter fatness. 

It. is. ON.

What's my motivation? Actually I"ll take it anywhere I can get it. It seems like everyone in Hollywood is shrinking their asses and getting skinny. First there was the wave of pregnancies and now there's the weight loss epidemic. What's in the water down there?

 Mama's next y'all.

Jennifer Hudson at the Mary J.Blige Honors Awards. Girl is just getting better and better. I believe I've found my fitness role model...

"American Idol" season 6 winner Jordin Sparks is skinny now too! She's obviously feeling pretty great about herself since she tweeted this pic.  Bold move Jordin.

Hollywood funny-man Seth Rogan slimmed down for his role in the "Green Hornet"

Chubster/joker Jonah Hill has lost 30 lbs and is still losing for his roll in "21 Jump Street"

Sara Rue recently lost weight on the popular diet plan Jenny Craig. How cute is she?

Former Cosby kid and That's So Raven star, 25 year old Raven Symone has also jumped on the diet bandwagon and is looking ay-mazing.

Even the perpetual yo-yo dieter, Kirstie Alley is looking pretty darn good after losing 60 lbs, partly through her time spent on Dancing with the Stars. She admits she has another 30 to go but she's getting there.

Lord knows if 60 year old Kirstie Alley can do it then so can Mama. I'm not looking to drop 6 sizes here, just the unwelcome pounds I've gained through this ungodly long winter. 

I'm always a little shocked at how hard losing the last "10 pounds" really is. Like ridiculously challenging?

I've lost mountains of weight after my babies but I'm always stalled/stumped at around 10-15 lbs before my "goal" weight. Why why whyyy?

Enough complaints. It's go time.

images via Just Jared, Splash News, Google Images

Perfection. Period.

Please take a moment to observe the following example of everyday pure fashion perfection by Mrs. Victoria Beckham.

Exhibit A- Black on black monochromatic sleekness
Exhibit B- Perfectly fitted Brian Atwood over the knee boots

Exhibit C- Perfectly pressed tuxedo blazer

Exhibit D- Perfectly draped top that covers derriere

Exhibit E- Coordinating oversized black clutch

Exhibit F- Gold watch, black mani, oversized sunnies

All this AND she's preggers to boot. 

This woman puts to shame just about everyone else who travels regularly/has 3 children/juggles multiple business interests all the while maintaining her reign as Queen and Empress of All Things Fashionable...

Yes she has more money then anyone you'll ever know and a stylist and an assistant and multiple nannies but whatever because she's still a busy hardworking mama and wife that somehow through it all manages to walk around in those completely ridic heels while dashing through Heathrow looking fabulous.

For all this:  Mrs. Beckham (soon to be mother of 4) I salute you...

image via

Just like Olivia Newton John, let's get Physical....ok?

I haven't spent much time talking about the ongoing "Massive Weight Loss 2010."  As always, "massive" is a huge misnomer but I'd like to think that big titles will equal big results?!  I got my starve on before we left for Greece this summer but after that I've kinda been in a holding pattern as far as working out and eating really "clean" are concerned. Well no more friends. It's time to get crack-a-lackin' (again) and get my derriere back to the gym (consistently, no, once a week isn't good enough.)
 Turkey fest Thanksgiving, and candy binge Halloween are behind us and there's honestly not a lot going on in November so what better time then now to work on my fitness? My pre-New Years resolution is to do my darnedest to not gain a mountain of el-bees over the Christmas season.  And if anything, by creating a buffer of sorts now (fitness and weight-wise) then I can deal with the inevitable indulgences (read: chocolate, cocktails, hors d'oeuvres, egg-nog) that are coming my way next month while still fitting into any dresses I may want to wear to Christmas parties. (Currently my calendar is open and I'm accepting party invites, feel free to send them my way...)

Lets talk strategy...

{80's aerobics? No, no leotards necessary. I'm talking about working out at the gym 3+ times a week}

+

{Salads salads and more salads. Insert fork here}

+

{No devil foods}

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{Things I'd like to wear for the many many parties I'll be attending. Cuz I'm popular like that...?}

What are your plans/stategy for handling the deliciousness and  indulgence that comes with the Holiday season??

Wednesday Wish List

It's mid-week and I've been shoveling my driveway thinking about the things I'd like to get my hands on right now that just might make my life a bit better. Maybe I'm in dream-land here but unseasonably bad weather makes me a bit cray cray.

1) I'd like to squeeze my butt into a pair of size 8 jeans. Any over priced brand will do, the point is that they be a size 8 and I fit into them for the rest of my adult life. Forever. Forever ever. 
If size 8 is good enough for Mariska Hargitay and Valerie Bertinelli then it's good enough for me. (Never mind that they're older.)

2) I'd like a miracle cellulite cream that actually works. Like for real. With modern medicine/technology can no one figure out a cream/potion/magic elixir that will make my dimple butt go away? Forever? 

{Boo. Hiss. These do not work.}

                                        

3) I'd like Marc Jacobs to come and design for me. Personally.  I will allow him to use me as his muse and maybe even his exclusive lovah. (What's that you say? He's gay?) Never mind then. Just being his style muse will do.

{Ignore Posh, insert Mama here.}

 Till then, (cuz I know he's working on Fall/Winter 2011) he can feel free to FedEx these to me at anytime. Freebies of course.

4) I'd like to pick up a new bike. Yes a bicycle. La Bicyclette. In order to fit into my size 8 jeans (forever) I'll be needing something in addition to a gym membership or Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred (which is actually more like an every 5 or 6 days if I'm feeling up to it Shred.)  Something new like this cruiser would be super-cute.

5) I'd like Kid #2 (who is now a bold 20 months old) to stop running into the bathroom, climbing up onto the toilet, then onto the counter and then into the sink while plugging the drain and turning on the taps. (Fully dressed and sitting in the sink.)

{No this isn't him. But I'm too busy cursing to stop and take a pic while he's up to his shenanigans}

6) I'd like my hair to look like this. Everyday. If anyone knows Ken Paves number please share. (We'll just pull him away from his world travels with Jessica Simpson on "The Price of Beauty."}

{Source, google images}

I think I'm in Lurve....

Time for some serious discussion.

Count-down to shopping ~nirvana~ in Vegas.  T minus 3 days!

Just a few de-lights I'd like to share.... these beauties are on my radar.   *drool*

All from Aldo (I'm kinda in love with the colour grey right now)  Delicious!

Christian Loub's in Nude Patent-

(Kim Kardashian says they make your legs look longer and if it works for her...) 

 

BUT since Loubies aren't in my near future, I'll settle for these suede Fawson pumps from Aldo for $100

Still on the hunt for these...always sold out in my size at Aldo. Make more ALDO, come on!

One final note on this crucial shoe discussion. WHY the HELL are heels so high right now???  Yeah yeah, I know it's the look and if you can't handle it then too bad for you. But seriously, who can walk in these for more than 5 minutes without falling down, growing bunions, and snapping your achilles? 

My BFF's and I have a thoery, that unless you weigh 104 lbs and are no taller than a hobbit, you're outta luck.

 

 

 Am I right or am I right?  All super skinny-ass bitches who probably originated from Middle-Earth. 'nough said. Maybe super high heels and me are not meant to be....

NOTE: see how much taller Eva looks in her gorgeous Loubie nude pumps!?!?  Screw it, I'm not giving them up!