99 Problems...

So recently I've found myself facing a new adversary/enemy/evil. No it's not the scale, it's something entirely different and completely upsetting.  All of a sudden last month my hair started falling out, a LOT and I'll admit it's been pretty crappy dealing with it.  I'm fairly certain it's a combo of stress and hormonal imbalance but whatever the frack is doing this, ima 'bout ready to lose my ever-loving-mind....

It's not like I'm some paunchy, middle aged man who can accept this sort of thing as just being part of life.

 A 30-something woman losing her hair is not OK. 

The hair gods have been cruel to me, and this seems like their latest prank. I already have thin, fine hair and am no stranger to using every thickening, volumizing and strengthening hair product ever created.  EVER CREATED.

(Now before you start asking if the hair loss is related to my latest diet, I'd have to disagree because though I joke about "being hangry and starving" I'm certainly not. I'm following Weight Watchers, and losing in a slow and sensible way.)  

The hair loss started before my latest diet so I doubt there's any link. I've had my thyroid and iron levels tested and everything seems ok. So this leaves me feeling even more bummed because I don't exactly know the cause of this hair loss???

I've got a referral to a dermatologist next month to check out the problem further (telogen effluvium- is what it's called) and I've already shelled out plenty for the latest products that claim to prevent hair loss...and I'll admit I've borrowed my dad's Rogaine...since my family doctor said that's exactly what the Dermo will prescribe anyway!

Seriously? Ugh.

So my question is, have any of you ever experienced sudden hair loss (other than post-pregnancy) and if so, how did you not lose your mind?!?!  Did your hair come back and how long did it fall out for?

 Feeling NOT so 

Tacky Christmas lights, fat little trees and purple sparkle

It's Christmas time all up in here! And while our outdoor Christmas lights are about as classy as the Griswolds, my kids think I'm an electrical engineering genius with this "display" of lights. 

Moving inside I"ll bore amaze you with our indoor decor. Honestly I'd like to do so much more with the house but Kid # 2 is at an age of pure destruction. He's just so excited by the lights and ornaments that he wants to touch (and break) everything. I'll give our poor tree a week before he pulls the whole thing down onto himself...

 That's one fat little tree, but he's real! 

On the weekend we got our drink on at a pre-Christmas house partay.  These pics were taken way later in the night after much wine/scotch/rum/vodka had been consumed...

 Green party cups mean drink up!

Mama in purple sequins

We love wine. As always.

 Since almost everyone at the party was Greek Canadian it quickly turned into a basement dance party. Who dances in a basement? We all do apparently...

Basement pole dance...

After shots of Ouzo, shirts were being unbutton. Husband decides to rock out on a pink guitar and it seemed awesomely cool at the time...  The picture obviously proves otherwise!

taking it way back...1789 stylez

Mama's looking forward to Halloween coming up this weekend. Like really looking forward.  But there's a part of me that thinks I'm way wayyyy too old to still be dressing up and going out (on the Saturday nite before.) Sunday is going to be spent with the kidlets, stuffing them into ridiculously cute costumes, dragging them door to door trick or treating, and of course taking 1 million pics of them to document the greatness that is Halloween!

On Saturday night we're going to West, a club/lounge downtown. I'm going as Miss Headless 1793, Marie Antoinette though my head will still be attached. I'll be needing it, thanks very much.

In honor of the late, great French beauty I'm going all out. My one major complaint though is why is it that every female adult costume is so sexy these days?!  Just like on Modern Family tonight (saw a preview) even the saintly Mother Teresa can be made into a "sexy" costume.  Really, what's next?? 

I'm doing my best to make my Marie costume sophisticated and somewhat historically accurate...even though its technically a "Playboy" brand costume, (ok so maybe thats a bit of an oxymoron.)
 I love the look of it, the fabric is gorgeous and I've even managed to lower the length of the hem to move a bit further away from it's offical "skank length"...it's nothing a good petti-coat can't help with.

She looks pretty ordinary to me...
{Marie Antoinette by Alexandre Kucharsky, apparently this is a highly realistic portrait. We can do better than this and make Marie way hotter, no?}

{ Here's a pic of my actual costume. Let's ignore the fugly black wig and imagine Mama in this with the biggest, highest white wig ever}

So seriously, am I too old for this shiz? Are any of you dressing up for work, house parties or even for the benefit of your kids?? 

...and we're back!

The wait is over kids, Mama and the crew are back from the sunny hot beaches of broke-ass Greece!!  We had a fabulous time (as always) but of course I'm so so soooooo glad to be back! Five weeks away from home is always a long time, no matter how great the place you go to is....

Don't be fooled by this pic of calm family togetherness. This has NOT been an easy trip. Traveling with a 2 and 5 year old (boys) is almost like asking for a big plate of "pain" with a side of "why did I ever leave my house in the first place?"

We loved the trip overall but I'll be sure to fill you all in on our ups (great nightlife) and downs (2 year old waking up everyday at 5 am).

Let's begin with our fresh hell plane ride over the 'pond'..

Kid #2 started the traveling day with his first, official, all out, no holds barred TANTRUM of the century while we were waiting to board the plane. Never mind that I'm trying to juggle passports, sippy cups and stollers, he decides this is a great time to go ape-shit and try and take us all down with him.  It was not a good omen for the rest of the flight.  He then proceeds to "unload some of his own baggage" just as we're about to take our seats. Why why WHY do kids insist of pooping at the most inconvenient times??

I deserve a prize for changing the nasty diaper in the tiniest airplane bathroom on earth. Just saying. 

We then had the pleasure of having our seats directly above the wings of the plane. The low, loud, vibrations from the engines did NOT act to sooth us to sleep but instead drove us close insanity because I could feel the rattling right through to my teeth.  Must be similar to living above a subway line??!

Kid #2 went on to yell/hit/cry for most of the flight (10 1/2 hours thanks to a mechanical delay) and decided that one and half hours of sleep (waking up 4 times to wail) is more than enough "sleep" during the whole flight. Guaranteed the people sitting around us wanted Kid #2 dead. 

All the while Mama is having kittens because I was fairly positive we would miss our connecting flight to Athens thanks to the delay. Once we touched ground in Frankfurt I literally whipped and dragged the kids (and Husband) through security, passport control and finally made it to our gate....and by the Grace of God we were on time for our next 3 hour flight. 

 

{Note Kid #2's pained expression. This was his look while on the plane for 10 1/2 hours. The ENTIRE time}

When we arrived at our home outside of Athens we were greeted by 22 people over for dinner at OUR house. YES, 22 people. No I didn't have to cook, and as much as I loved seeing many of our relatives as soon as we arrived, after over 15 hours of travel time I was not in the mood to entertain and do dishes. But that's what we got...  This was the beginning of many huge family dinners at our house.

Last night here at home I cooked dinner for (only) 4 people. It was awesome. 

Why can't I see the bugs that are making me run to the bathroom?

I was going to post about our wonderful Father's day weekend but instead I'm gonna have to write about poop. This house has been taken over by an illness. Apparently Kid #1 has brought home the stomach bug of the century from his disease factory preschool. He's been sick since Sunday night running to the bathroom every 10 minutes and isn't too pleased about it either. (Thank God for wipes, at this point t.p. just isn't an option.) Then he ask, "Mom, why can't I see the bugs that are making me run to the bathroom?"
"Logical question Kid #1 but I'm up to my elbows in ca-ca and Lysol wipes, so this is no time for a biology lesson.  Go ask your dad."   Witness another pro-star parenting moment by Mama.

{Kid #2 not feeling too good. Sometimes your bottle and stuffed cow are all you want}

Of course just today I get an email from his school explaining that a wicked disease is going around and just about every poor kid has been yaking and pooping the weekend away. Now Kid #2 is afflicted too. I have cleaned up more poop in the last 72 hours than in the last year combined. Lysol is my friend. Ain't no way I'm going down too.

{I heart Lysol}

Ooooh the Humanity!!

Today was Spray Tan Day or as I call it, STD.

(It's as bad as it sounds.)

I showered, exfoliated, shaved and went deordorant-less in prep for the tan. Wore baggy cotton clothing, removed my jewellery, put my hair in a pony-tail, and left the house sans make-up.

Right there that is WAY too much going on before I've even had the damn spray.

You'd think that after years of annual physicals, birthing 2 babies naturally, and being over the age of 30, that by now I'd be comfortable with someone seeing all of my naked-ness.  Apparently not.
A spray tan requires you to stand without clothes, (save for a small disposable pair of string bikini bottoms, which are AWFUL but necessary to avoid unsightly tan lines) while a "technician" sprays you with a high powered air brush/liquid tan gun. Besides being totally awkward and revealing....it's cold as balls.

(What, you wouldn't be embarrased standing buck while some stranger scrutinizes your every angle for optimum tan application?)  Every cellulite covered angle.

Just thinking about it again makes me cringe. I am a secure person but it was way beyond uncool.

Usually, like a 'normal' person, before I go on a sun-filled vay-cay I go tanning to get a base...which is really just an attempt not to fry on Day 1 of the holiday, thereby averting massive pain/frustration/lobster-like hue, and resentment towards the all powerful soleil.

{ouch}

This year there just wasn't time so plan B was to spray.

Yes yes, I know tanning beds are awfullll but in it's defense I live in CANADA where there is nothing but cold and winter desolation for 7+ months of the year.  Mama's kravin' Vitamin D something fierce, and may just have a touch of the winter crazies. (No, not SAD... but if you were covered head to toe in fleece for months on end, you'd be crying for the sun too.)

But this time the only obvious pre-holiday game plan was to channel my inner Guidette and get me some sunless spray tan. Snookie would approve. (Guidette, is this ser-i-ously a word, for realsss?!) 

{Tomorrow all will be revealed post-shower. Fingers crossed I'll look like a sun-kissed goddess.}

{And not an Oompa-loompa that dropped $85 on this sh!t....}

{no offense to the Oompa's but unless I'm living in a Choco Factory it's just not right}